Father and daughter

"He didn't tell me how to live; he lived, and let me watch him do it". 

~Clarence Budington Kelland

I always read and hear a lot of astounding stories from either a daughter or a son about their father. It was quite a heartwarming and uplifting stories I burned with envy. I've been trying to understand him but it seems that he only brings dissappointment in life rather than someone I can look up to. I can't even recall any single moment that he really fulfill his responsibility as a father, I know it is not healthy to harbor these kind of feelings against my father ,but it really makes me uncomfortable seeing him living such contended life while my mother and I grasp the responsibility that he ought to meet. 

Before, when I was able to thoroughly apprehend our family setting, I was so afraid to ask my mother about her plans on what to do next or even how we can be able to get rid of that man (my father). I was so afraid for she will blame herself of my father's shameful deed or will just give me answers that could only tailored the level of my understanding that time. I don't want to complicate things for her, or even taint my questions with my negative feelings towards my father that is why I chose to pretend as if I am not aware of what is happening  and up until now my mother's silent grief is still fresh and haunting why things never worked out.

I know writing and posting this kind of stuff was highly improper and disturbing but this could be the only cure for a malignant animosity towards my father. Anyway "TIME HEALS ALL WOUNDS" right? haha. A BIG FAT LIE! As of now, I am trying to observe utmost modesty whenever he's around, besides he's still my father. It would also probably a brilliant idea if I would prefer to be more discreet whenever I feel extremely uncomfortable with him.

YOU ARE LUCKY YOU HAVE SOMEONE TO GREET "HAPPY yourownFATHER'S DAY "